For some reason as I have mentioned before I have been dwelling in the past lately, memories have filled my head like those darned sugarplums on Christmas Eve. I don’t know, call it mid life whatever ( Iwon’t call it a crisis cuz it is not that big a deal) I just seem to be reliving some of the best (and worst) times of my life.  One thing that keeps creeping in and giving me pause (not paws) , is how I don’t really have very many friends anymore. This post is in no way meant to be a pity me post, just an observational one. I have spoken to one friend about it in a gmail chat ( yay gmail). I can remember when I was younger. I don’t mean to be conceited but I had lots of friends. I had alot of folks who I thought were friends that I later learned were false but I was a popular guy.

Perhaps one of the reasons I feel so friendless is where I live , I am quite isolated from any decent gay gaggle. Not that my friends have to be gay but it is cool to hang with birds of a feather. Plus living out here in the middle of the Pacific Ocean folks are always coming and going . Most of the people we hung out with last year are now back on the mainland. I am not sure, perhaps it is only me, but it seems that as I get older true quality friendships are getting harder and harder to find. Plus even in the gay circles once you have a partner you might as well just give up the ghost while trying to make new friends or meet new people. Just my humble opinion.

The really strange thing too is, I used to be the life of the party, the uncle with the lampshade on his head etc etc etc . Now, more and more, I find myself more comfortable with a book or a movie, my dog and my husband. I am starting to find myself more ill at ease around people that I don’t know that well. Like a turtle or hermit crab withdrawing into it’s shell.

Not to put to fine a point on it but as I was talking to Patrick one day about some one on my blogroll as a friend his response was ” I have known you for 6 years , since when did you start having friends.” He wasn’t being mean he was being truthful. Like I said before I am not looking for pity or anything like that I am relatively happy, I just find it rather odd is all, that Icould change so much in such a small span of years. I guess the question that I would pose to those of you in my age bracket (41) is …..is this normal , does this happen to everyone or am I a freak of nature(well maybe a lil bit but who isn’t )? And who knows it could just be a geographical anomaly and once I get back to the mainland I will once again find my stride. I know of a group of people I can not wait to meet, so perhaps things are already beginning their upward climb . Who can know?? Who can tell?? All I know is the only constant in life is change, lets hope it is for the better !! 🙂

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