I am NOT a neat freak. My house is not always “guest ready”. Especially now with Patrick injured some things are just “let go ” until I can get to them. I know that as a  gay, untidiness should “make me itch” (to quote a new friend) , but it doesn’t . I will get to it when I get to it. Until you get to my book case. Patrick, as well as pretty much anyone that knows me, laugh at me all the time about how anal I can be/am about my books. So much so that many people get nervous when asking if they could borrow a book. When I go to a book store the biggest eater of my time is looking for the one book that is pristine, no scratches on the cover no wrinkled pages etc, etc.I will search every book in the same stack until I find the one that, to me, is most pleasing aesthetically

Back when I lived in Portland, Or. my favorite haunt ( Ok besides Scandal’s ) was Powell’s Bookstore. I could get lost in there for days. Luckily, they have a cafe/coffee shop so I could eat some pastries to keep up my perusing strength. They do a thing there that you can take in used books for cash or store credits. They used to be amazed by the quality of my books. They always used to ask if I had really read it. It has now become a running joke among those that know me.

I really don’t see it as something that is that funny. There are certain things I like to do/have done  with my books, get over it . If you were to come to my house and asked to borrow a book it would be given to you with a carefree attitude and a dialogue. Something that Patrick has down by heart , and usually leaves the room for .Here are a few things I ask of my book borrowers.

1) Please do not dog ear my pages  ( I am really adamant about this one . I have a surplus of bookmarks and will give one to you when you borrow a book).

2) Please do not take it to the pool or the beach.

3) If it is a hardback book ( which I do not have that many of) please do not read it with the dust jacket on it. By the same token if it had a dust jacket when I lent it to you please make sure it is there when it comes back.

4) No snacking please. I hate it when I get a book back and it has Dorito crumbs spill out of it the next time I look in it . Plus the greasy fingerprints smear the ink. 

5) Last but not least I tell them that I would like it back in a timely manner. When I say this I make it clear I am not being rude, it’s just that I have lost so many books , simply by them not being returned….ever.

So yeah,most people laugh at me when my schpeal is done . Some of them chose not to run the risk having an accident with one and feel my wrath. Which is kind of the appeal . I know deep down if they were really someone I would want to lend my stuff to then they wouldn’t have a problem with my “speech”. If they accept my dialogue then I know the book will be in good hands. Or maybe , just maybe I really am a freak of nature of such a magnitude that even I have not plumbed its depths . Rest assured whatever the answer is, I would also treat any book that I borrowed from you with the same standard of care that my own books receive.

***** FYI :usually if you have borrowed a book from me in the past I don’t do the whole schpeal again. Also depending on the person, I have been known to be a little flexible with my “rules”. So I am not THE book Ogre this post might imply.  *****