To : Annoying commercial guy

From: Irritated Listener guy

Hey! Mr. Guy who does the commercials here on Maui. I just wanted to know if anyone ever told you that, before you start a career in radio, you need to be able to enunciate properly ? I am just asking because on the commercial you do for the drug rehab place, when you begin it sounds like you ask us if Drums are a problem for me or a member of my family. I almost stopped listening to your schpeil right there, because, to my knowledge no one in my family has a problem with drums. Well OK, maybe one of my sisters might, because I used to buy my nephews loud and irritating toys. I don’t think any of them had drums though (remember the smiling monkey with the symbols ?)  I tuned back in when I heard you say Al-Anon and Narconon, because then I realized you were trying to talk about drugs not drums.

A little further into it you again asked if rugs were a problem. Yes they are, the get dirty very often and then I have to drag out the vacuum cleaner, but what does that have to do with drug rehab? I just though maybe you missed the class on enunciation , maybe you were sick that day ………..or coming down from a really wicked high from smack or coke, who knows?So let me be the one to tell you. It is very important that you speak clearly and carefully before thinking of a career in radio.Practice in the mirror(trust me it helps).

And on another note : Guy from the furniture store commercial. I think you are the same guy from the commercial a couple of months ago that had you and your “wife” searching for a timeshare here on Maui. I am on to you. If they planned it that way to be cute with you guys looking for furniture after you found your timeshare, then they have succeeded. But if not, I am onto you. Oh, and about that whole trying to sound like Tom Bosley (and not really doing a good enough job to be believable) just stop it …… now…. ‘kay?? Thanks!

***** I have listened to these commercials many times, at different volume levels. With the windows up, and with them down. Driving and parked. It is always the same, that is how I came to the conclusion it was not me, but them. I think perhaps it is a conspiracy to drive me batty. *****