Archive for July, 2009


Anchorless

Due to some drama on the Portland front, it looks like we may not be staying in the house we had planned to buy. I can’t really go any further into detail here but if you want more info let me know and I will email ya. But all this new stuff makes me feel as if I have no real direction at this point, that we are just drifting with no real goal, not that we even have Patrick’s settlement yet because we DON’T , but now with the latest happenings I am not even sure if Oregon will be here we land. Percentage wise I would still say 70% for Portland 30% somewhere else. And the fact that we have decided to pass on the house our friend owns, makes it even  harder to begin to formulate a plan. Forgive me for rambling, but this post is really more of a thought proccess for me . And I am on day 2 of no ciggies, so I am a bit fuzzy. But seriously if you wanna hear about the drama let me know I will share it on a more private medium.  : P

Monkey on my back

Some, most, alright a couple of you who have spoken to me via chat or on the phone etc know that I am a smoker. Yes I know filthy habit, I should have quit when all my friends told me to. Of course, many of the ones who told me to quit were the reason I picked up the habit in the first place. Well, all of that is about to change! As of 12AM Thursday night/Friday morning, I will no longer have that monkey on my back.

Okay, really, who am I kidding? The monkey will still be there, but I will slllloooowwwwlllyyyyy be peeling him from my back. Nicoderm CQ patches?? CHECK.  Dr Appointment on Monday to see about Chantix??? CHECK. Down to my last few ciggies ??? No, I bought a pack this morning , but I was out and I still have today. Yeah I COULD have quit today, but I have had my sights set on the 17th for a month. Don’t want to mess up the Juju.

The reason for this decision? While I was in Pa, one of my Aunts ( who has a Masters degree in the Nursing field) expressed some concerns about COPD being hereditary. So I told her , that I would pick my date 7/17. Which is Patrick’s Birthday ( and my Aunt’s as it turns out). In the long run, I am doing this for me ….for Patrick and for the quality of life I wish to have going forward. But I suppose you could say it is my Mom’s last gift to me. I am sure she will be watching and spurring me on when it gets tough and I really need a cig. I hope I will give her one last reason to be proud of her boy!!

Throughout this time I have had alot of well wishes. Friends, other family members, even acquaintances of Patrick and his family.  But the thing that really strikes me as wonderful is my Internet friends. Not to take away from my real life peeps but everywhere, from Goodreads, to Facebook, WordPress and beyond have truly been concerned for mine and my family’s well being. Just hearing the phrase ” If you need anything you let me know” from folks who barely know me has been a mind-blowing experience. And not just because they said it, but because I know that 99.9999% of them actually meant it and most likely still do mean it.

I wanted to just come on here and thank each and every one of you who has sent a card, asked for my address, called me or even those that just text me. I want to express my truely heartfelt gratitude and tell you all how much it means to be surrounded by quality people, whether I know you or not in RL doesn’t seem to matter, and for that I am eternally grateful. I know, in time that I will only get better. I am sure I will have set backs, everyday will not be a piece of cake. The one thing that I will carry in my heart is there are still good, kind and caring people out there, and that makes my heart smile. That one bit of knowledge will help me to be strong, again …….Thank you all.