Archive for March, 2012


………that’s a very good place to start.

I have recently realized that many of the people who are part of my life now, were not in my life when P and I met (or they were but I had not yet reconnected with some of them). As any good ‘mo would do I started this blog with how Lola had become part of our lives, but not so much about how we became part of each others. Please allow me to rectify that now, Ladies and Gentlemen, IMHO the greatest story ever told…..

Before Patrick,I had been in 1 other long term relationship,7 years with a guy from India. After I broke up with him for reasons too many to mention( although we are good friends now). I moved to Portland. Oregon to live with some friends for awhile and see if I liked it there.

Needless to say,I stayed there, and began to live the life I wanted to, deep inside I wanted another BF but I enjoyed being single for a bit. I really enjoyed being the “new guy in town” and had quite a full dance card. My roomies called me manslut for a bit. But that all only lasted a bit.

Some background on Patrick: He worked at a very exclusive restaurant, whose owner was also a gay guy. Many times if they had had a good night and the owner would be in a good mood,they would go to the gay bars collecting folks for after parties at the restaurant.

It was one of the good nights and Patrick and the owner were at the bars finding guys, they were actually about to leave to go to the restaurant when Patrick saw me… way from the other end of a room.. and asked his friend to wait. The owner told him to hurry up. Patrick ran up to me, while I was talking to a hot guy, and said “Hey you need to come with me !” For a minute I was scared, it might have been the guy I was talking tos boyfriend for all I knew.
But then I jusy looked at P and said “Go Where?”
Patrick said “to an after hours party at the restaurant I work at.”

This was when the guy I was talking to chimed in,”OMG you guys are having another one?” He then looked at me and said ” you really should go! Can I come too”, He asked. Of course Patrick said yeah if we hurry the ride was leaving.

I went to the party , we had a good time, Patrick, even though he had a date at the party, came to my house with me that night. The first words he said to me the next morning were, and I swear this to be true, “Cook me breakfast, bitch”. I couldn’t though because my roomies were remodeling their kitchen, so I offered to take him out to eat.

Then I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks, so I called him see if I could take him out. We went to a really swanky restaurant in Portland,then I drove him home.

Two weeks later was Valentine’s day(it was also the 100th anniversary of the original teddy bear) so I bought a teddy bear embroidered with the 100 year anniversary thing on it, and some roses to him where he worked. I asked him at that time (after he was done with work of course) if he thought we could make a go of it, since we both knew we had been seeing other guys betwen our dates. He said ” wait one minute” ran to the phone and made like 5 phone calls. Then he came back to me and said “that was me breaking off every date for the next week, I think you should do the same. I got on the phone (I only had 2 or 3 calls to make) and we were together since. February 15 would have been 11 years. Feb 15th ( cuz we didn’t wanna be tacky) of 2006 we got married as legally as we can here in the U. S. while living om Maui. We got Lola when we moved in together, which was about 2 months after we chose to be exclusive, then we got our second dog Hoku while in Maui. I don’t care how many people think my lifestyle is wrong and “goin to Hell” Love, real true love that takes the good with the bad, can have fights …rows even and still know that love is still there,I believe, does not know gender.I have had it twice in my life. I see no way possible that it can be a bad thing.

And that is how we started our amazing and incredible journey. Hope you all enjoyed.

Most of you are familiar with what has been going on with me for the past month or so, if you aren’t, suffice it to say that my heart, my life and my soul were ripped out and stomped to dust on Jan 26th. Patrick is gone, in the most real sense but in another sense,one that is almost just as real, he is still here, telling me what to clean, what chores need doing and what I need to buy at the store on my way home from work. He will never truly be gone and I realize this more every day. The tulips he planted last Fall are in the yard, bursting out of the dirt, just waiting to give me one last gift from P.

I am not here to tell you how utterly crushed I am, nor am I here to get more sympathy, those of you who have been there for myself and the Moore family are appreciated more than words can say. Those who did not know until now, who can blame you? Life sometimes interrupts even the best of friendships. We have not been the most forthcoming or social creatures since our move back to Portland, and though there were valid reasons, there are no excuses.

What I am here to do is write, tell you a cool thing or two that has come of this tragedy, bested only by the loss of my Mom in 2009. The most amazing thing is the true, selfless and compassionate people we have been fortunate enough to know. One of the most amazing things I am learning is how many lives P touched, it should not surprise me, he was a gem in every sense of the word. Rare, precious and in some cases priceless. Like a diamond the man could, and often did, light up a room, at least for me.

Another thing that has given me comfort is that I now have a new meaning to give to rainbows. I have a post somewhere on here, in which, during a time when I was at my lowest, a man appeared in a parking lot just long enough to point out a rainbow. By the time he had pointed it out and I had looked, I turned back to thank him and he had disappeared. He was walking with the aid of a walker and could not have gone anywhere in the time it took me to acknowledge the rainbow, yet he was gone.

During this time of loss and grief rainbows have again played their part, 3 times to be exact. In kissing the eyelid of a dear,dear friend as we were leaving our house. In showing up on pictures on a computer that are nowhere to be seen on the original pictures. Lastly, in blessing the giving of a cherished memento to one of┬áP’s Sisters. There is more to these stories, as there is to many other stories. The details are unimportant, but I now know that as long as there are rainbows I will have a cherished guardian. I have told these stories to a few friends and they all have told me they will never be able to see another rainbow without thinking of P and I. I hope that is true, and that those rainbows will shine as heavenly tributes to the love we shared for just short of 11 years.

As for me ? I am sad, the anchor of my life has been ripped from me way too soon. My path is murky and I have no inkling in which direction to go.There are days that I don’t think I can do this alone, but then I remember that I am not alone. I will, however, go…as in keep going, because P would have wanted it and because I know deep down that I have to. One day,though I can not see it or imagine it now, perhaps without my even knowing when, things will just start to get easier, how could they not, when I have rainbows as my guide.