…… must come to an end. Now, you all know as well as I do that the story I am about to regale you with will not be the last Patrick story you all hear. Even if it was to be there are plenty on this site to keep us all in stitches for years. But this is a fitting wrap up for where I am, where I will be going from here.

I mentioned in my last post how I finally came to grips with things while in New Hampshire and started to feel peace, true, man sized peace about leaving P behind in NH. I did not understand what happened on that third morning any more than any of you, I suppose. But I know now, and I am here to tell you. About 2 weeks after being home I was totally submerged in the work a day world with hardly a thought ( well, we all know that isn’t true) to what went on that morning. Until one night, while I was sleeping. The night P came and told me what had happened.

Just a note as an aside, big epiphany nights do not come with fanfare included. That night was like sooooo many others it was almost not even noteworthy. Except for the part where I got to hear my heart speak to me. The dogs had gone potty and were settling in and I began to doze off while reading.  Then I was there, on K’s deck taking the swig of coffee that changed my perspective. I remember, in the dream, that as I sipped I looked up and began to see the birds and hear the animals. As an extra added bonus, in my dream, I got to hear the voice of my love one more time. I did not get to see his most beautiful eyes, or his brilliant smile, but his voice was good enough for me.

” Do you know what happened right there ?” He asked

“No ,” I answered.

“Then I will tell you,” he said and I could almost hear the laughter in his voice. ” The moment, that you started to focus on the wind in the trees, the birds, the sheep, cows and goats. It was that minute, when you started to not focus on your grief, but on life and beauty.”

” I need you to do something for me, it won’t be easy,” he warned.

” What is it babe,” I sobbed , ” what do I need to do ?”

” You need to keep focusing on that life, I know I can’t be with you, and I miss you like crazy but you have to go on.”

And with that, I woke up with a soaking wet pillow and tears streaming down my face. Now, you can take that for what you will. Roll your eyes, laugh, sigh or just write me off as a nutcase. But, before you do realize that I NEVER, EVER remember my dreams. That, and I can assure you, if I could somehow tape record my dreams you would know that the above conversation is 99% accurate to the one in my dream, visitation whatever you need to label it. Rest assured that I know it for what it was, P, who was unable to say goodbye to me that night in January, came back and said good bye in grand P style. And he gave me one last gift. The ability to go on with my life, whatever it may be, and the assurance that I have his blessing.

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